


We Were All Out Of Dribbly Candles

by ibelieveinturtles



Series: Donuts in My Bra and Other Stories [31]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Discworld - Terry Pratchett, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crossover, Darcy Lewis is Susan Sto Helit's daughter, Gen, glow sticks, the rite of AshkEnte
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 04:39:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18439217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibelieveinturtles/pseuds/ibelieveinturtles
Summary: Darcyland 3rd Annual Crack ChallengeApril 6 - Must include glow sticks - Rave not required.





	We Were All Out Of Dribbly Candles

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve borrowed the Darcy who is the daughter of Susan Sto Helit and Lobsang Ludd for this one. It’s given me some good ideas for that particular series but after some thought I decided I don’t want to go through the whole schamozzle of rewriting it to fit right now, so it is what it is and I’ll be definitely be reusing this idea later on. So think of this as an au of that au, if you want.
> 
> Some useful information: Susan Sto Helit is Death’s granddaughter, and Lobsang Ludd is Time’s son (and has now taken over the family business). Please - ask questions if there’s anything you don’t understand!

 

* * *

  

It was one of those times when Darcy found it impossible to contact HEX. From experience, this usually meant that either Something Occult was happening on Discworld, or aliens were about to invade Roundworld. Or... or maybe the fog of incompatible magic was just impenetrable this week.

Whatever.

It didn't change the fact Eric was missing and Jane seemed to have lost interest in, well... Everything. Which was super inconvenient because after 150 years on Roundworld, Darcy knew when something was wrong.

And something was _very_ wrong. Which meant Darcy had questions that only HEX or her Great Grandfather could answer. And with HEX incommunicado, she was left with only one option.

The Rite of AshkEnte.

And someone to help her perform it.

And wasn't that just a whole other barrel of problems. Obviously she couldn't ask Eric, because _she didn't know where he was_ . The new intern - Ian - wasn’t an option either, because he didn't know about Darcy. Her erstwhile sort of boyfriend was currently incommunicado - and in another country even if he wasn't.  As for Jane… Darcy frowned. She wasn't even sure where Jane was at the moment, but she couldn't do the Rite on her own. Minimum requirements were two people, two small sticks, and one fresh egg. She had her favourite set of chopsticks and the egg - she just needed one more person. And maybe the dribbly candles and some glitter as well - Great Grandad _did_ like it when you put in a little extra effort.

“Well, I guess sitting around here won't get anything done,” she muttered sourly, and stalked into her bedroom. Opening up her wardrobe, she pulled out the bottom drawer, removed the stack of old, ratty sweatpants and lifted the false bottom out of it. Her collection of lifetimers lay nestled in their cocoons and she ran her fingers across them, assuring herself that everyone was okay. Well, everyone except the one that was still frozen. (She hadn't been completely surprised when _Steven Grant Rogers_ turned out to be Captain America but the defrosting of his lifetimer had sent her into a texting flurry to HEX.)

Selecting Jane's hourglass, she cradled it in her hands and closed her eyes.

“Where are you?” she murmured. “C'mon, Jane. I need you.”

Her concentration was broken by an unexpected knocking on her front door. Swearing softly, she shoved the hourglass back into its place, piled everything back into the drawer and opened the front door just as Natasha Romanoff knocked a second time.

Damn.

Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.

The last thing she needed right now was a nosy spy. A spy that could somehow see past the sheer ordinariness that Darcy constantly projected and was determined to ferret out all of Darcy’s secrets.

“Agent Romanoff! Hey! I wasn't expecting-”

“Really?” Natasha held her phone up for Darcy to see. “Then you don't know anything about this?”

Darcy stared at Natasha for a moment before allowing her gaze to shift to the screen in front of her.

“I didn't send that,” she said automatically, and then cursed inwardly as she realised who probably had sent it. Bloody HEX. It had been trying to convince her that Natasha would be a trustworthy ally for months now.  She looked into Natasha's curious eyes and made a decision. “Actually, you know what? I did. I do. Need your help. Come on in.”

She stepped aside to let Natasha into the flat. “You want a cup of tea? Coffee?”

“Tea would be very nice.” Natasha paused by the coat rack, allowing Darcy to move in front of her and lead the way into the flat. “So how long has Eric been missing for?”

“Well, the last time we heard from him was about a week ago. We've been here three days but there's no sign of him.” Darcy bustled around the tiny kitchen, filling the kettle, fishing mugs out of the sink and tracking down the box of teabags.

“Was the last contact by phone or email?” Natasha asked.

“Voicemail,” Darcy replied. “Jane didn’t actually find the message for a few hours and he never picked up when she called him back.”

She poured the water, pushed Natasha’s mug towards her, and sat down.

“However, I actually need you for something completely different right now, Agent Romanoff.”

“Please - call me Natasha. You don’t want to find Eric?” Natasha sipped at her tea, staring at Darcy over the top of her mug.

“Oh, yes. I do. And I will. Find him. Just… not the way you’re expecting. I do need to pop down to the shop first though. Unless you happen to have some candles with you of course.” Darcy laughed nervously. She was 170 years old and only Natasha Romanoff could make her this nervous.

Natasha narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. “No, but I do have some glow sticks. Will they do?”

Darcy paused for a moment, startled and so, so curious.

“How many?”

“About fifty, I think.”

“Why do you have fifty glow sticks?” Darcy asked.

“Undercover mission as a children’s party host.” Natasha’s voice and expression were so deadpan Darcy couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. Not that it mattered.

Instead, Darcy considered the idea. The candles were just for show anyway - they weren’t actually necessary for the Rite… and using glow sticks might just do away with the need for glitter too. And knowing her Great Grandfather, he’d probably really like them.

“You know what? I think they might be perfect.” She lifted her own cup to her mouth and swallowed a large mouthful of tea, grinning at Natasha the whole time. She let the shine of galaxies glow in her eyes for a second, and put her cup down again. “You ready to learn some secrets, Agent Natasha?”

The spy stared back at her and a flicker of doubt crossing her face, followed rapidly by a searing bolt of curiosity. Slowly a matching smile spread across her face. “I thought you’d never ask,” she replied.

 

* * *

 

“-and now I can feel that something’s happening and I can’t contact HEX, so this is my only other option,” Darcy said half an hour later as she put the finishing touches on the chalk octagram she’d drawn inside a circle in the middle of the living room floor.

Natasha shook her head. “That is without a doubt the most far-fetched story I’ve ever heard and yet I don’t doubt you at all. No wonder you try to keep a low profile.”

Darcy stood up. “I mean, it’s not like I can’t get myself out of any trouble I get into, but it’s easier to _not_ get into trouble in the first place, right?”

“Absolutely,” Natasha agreed. “So now what?”

“Now,” Darcy said, her hair eagerly twisting itself into numerous little buns like it was the 90's again, “we dance.”

She picked up her iPod, cued up the appropriate playlist, and sat it in it’s dock.

Death appeared halfway through The Macarena*.

* * *

_*In the second Discworld game the wizards sing ‘Day-O’ (The Banana Boat song) whilst performing the Rite of AshkEnte. I thought the Macarena would be an appropriate 2010’s Roundworld adjustment. The playlist probably also includes The Nutbush, Y.M.C.A., and The Timewarp._

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> [The Wizards perform the Rite of AshkEnte](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/WK5SiokVKQg/maxresdefault.jpg)
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> My Tumblr, if you're interested, is [ibelieveinturtles](http://ibelieveinturtles.tumblr.com/)


End file.
